Maria Sharapova? Fault!

Maria Sharapova has been taking banned drugs. The two weatherman discussed whether her ball was in or out.

Weatherman 1 : I hear that Maria Sharapova is taking Meldonium.

Weatherman 2 : She claims the International Tennis Federation raised the net. She’d been taking it for years and it was allowed. Then they disallowed it and caught her out.

WM1 :  It reminds me of those Police with speed cameras. They always hover at a place where the limit has been changed. You drive the same stretch for years at 40 mph, and then they reduce it to 30 mph and you get hit.

WM2 : But you know,  because there’s a big new sign saying 30 mph.

WM1 : Yes, but we ignore signs. The first I knew there was a speed ramp was when my wheels fell off...I didn’t read the sign.

WM2 : She’s a professional. If you get a list of banned substances you might read it.

WM1 : Even if she had, she wouldn’t have picked it up. It goes under two names. She thought she was taking Mildronate and now it’s called Meldonium.

WM2 : You wouldn’t get away with that in a breath test. “Have you been drinking wine Sir? You are over the limit.” And the driver responds with: “No wine I promise officer, just some French plonk.”  

WM1 : So if we are supposed to know that plonk and wine are the same thing – she should have checked to see what else the drug might be called.

WM2 : I thought I was having nettle soup but actually it’s cannabis.  

 WM1 : It was a performance enhancing drug, whatever they call it. It helps you recover from fatigue and injury faster.  She knew that – and she took it. She was cheating legally.

WM2:  If I take Red Bull knowing it gives me a sugar hit and lifts me half way through a marathon, but my rivals do not – am I cheating?

WM1 : I Suppose you have to declare it. “hi everyone – this stuff isn’t banned, but it’s gonna help me beat you. na na na piss piss,” you shout to all those jogging alongside you. “Suckers, I’m taking Vitamin C and Cod Liver oil,“ shouts another. “My shoes are better than yours with helium filled soles”....

WM2 : So it’s fair to cheat – as long as we tell everyone that we are doing it.

 WM1 : And if they do redefine what cheating is half way through a career – well you are stuffed. If the ITF ban personal psychologists and diet experts from the tennis player’s entourage – then they’d all be disqualified.

WM2 : She can still escape. There’s a Therapeutic Use Exemption she can call in her defence. The TUE says you can use banned substances if they help you with a medical condition which was pre-existing.

 WM1 : Is not winning enough Grand Slams a medical condition?

WM2 : She isn’t retiring anyway. She’s fighting on and blames an ugly carpet for it.

WM1 : Ugly carpets are a real motivational tool for coaches? “Do you want to spend your life standing on an ugly carpet? No? Well get out there and start taking Meldonium.”

WM2 : You can strip someone of their titles, but how do you get the money back? Some people would live out their lives being vilified if they had amassed  £88 million.

WM1 : The best the ITF can do is shout Cheat and try to humiliate her. But the money is in her bank.

WM2 : Escrow accounts for sportsmen – that’s the answer. They win all the money but can’t touch it until they are well into retirement just in case some skeletons turn up in the cupboard.

WM1 : There may be a few skeletons on the courts if we don’t pay them anything.