Panting police officers - is it a problem?

Nearly 2000 Police officers in the UK failed their fitness test in 12 months. The two weathermen did a few press-ups.

Weatherman 1 : Did you read that the Police aren’t very fit?

Weatherman 2 : My wife assures me the local coppers are very fit – but I don’t think she is referring to their athleticism.

WM1 :  In one police force,  5% of them failed their fitness test.

WM2 : What do they have to do to pass?

WM1 : One of the tasks is to run in short 15 metre bursts for a total of 525 metres.

WM2 : That seems like an arbitrary distance. Why not 500?  

WM1 : Maybe it’s the typical distance from the shop till to the Underground station. He chases the thief through the crowd to the Victoria line where the copper says “damn, lost him,” as the train doors shut and the thief escapes.

WM2 : Do they have to shout things whilst they are doing the test? Like ”stop, it’s the Police” or “don’t let him get away.”

WM1 : I don’t think so. They don’t have enough breath left for that.

WM2 : I often see a cop car pull up at my supermarket. No flashing blue light, just officers getting out and going in to buy a coke and a cheese and onion pasty. You never see them buy an apple or water. All sugars and carbohydrates. That’s going to slow them down.

 WM1 : And to be fair, the thief is probably running in a tee shirt, trainers and jeans. The policeman is chasing with a camera on his chest, handcuffs, pepper spray, a torch, body armour, a hat, truncheon, taser, phone, notebook and big boots. It’s not an equal contest.

WM2:  They do seem a bit over-dressed. That’s probably why they do it in 15 metre bursts, so they can have a rest in between.

WM1 : And women police officers aren’t as fit as their male colleagues; there are claims that the recruitment test is biased against women.

WM2 : They are wider at the hip.....save for the really overweight men.

WM1 : There’s a recruitment gate test where hopefuls have to run around cones, but the women wobble more than the men and account for 61% of the total errors. The cones are too close together and the ladies need more space to manoeuvre. And they get teased by the male officers – lots of wolf whistles.

WM2 : So if we see our streets are being patrolled by women, do I have to put more space between myself and the pedestrian in front?

 WM1 : Yes. No holding hands with your lover.  It’ll make for noisier streets as we start raising our voice to continue the conversation.

WM2 : And I suppose if I wolf whistle a female officer, I better be able to run faster than her.....or aim for a series of narrow bollards.

WM1 : The tests have been made easier, and some argue that community protection demands officers are fitter. However, raising the bar just means fewer recruits get in. And we need police....so the balance is hard to find.

WM2 : Is high jump part of the test?

WM1 : Not yet. I suppose we could follow Russia’s example and have a doping programme for officers. If we chemically enhance their performance and they get to the platform in time to catch the thief, no-one will say “cheat.”

WM2 : On the contrary, they will win a medal - or promotion.