On mistaken identity at a beauty contest

Miss Columbia was mistakenly handed the Miss Universe title. The two weathermen polished their crowns.

Weatherman  1 : Did you see that poor Miss Columbia was crowned Miss Universe – for about 30 seconds.

Weatherman  2 :  30 seconds?

WM 1 : Yes, it should have been Miss Philippines but the host Steve Harley read out the wrong name. They had to take the crown off Miss Columbia and stick it on the real winner’s head. Poor girl, at least she came second.

WM 2 : It’s probably better to come third than have that sort of humiliation.

WM1 : And it happened in an  Australian modelling competition  a few years ago. Another mix up between first and second. The two girls smiled and hugged one another.

WM 2 : I would have thrown my toys out of the pram.

WM 1 : It’s astonishing - the dignity with which they bare these humiliations.

WM 2 : Well they’ve been baring pretty well everything else in the competition.

WM 1 : Yes, there’s not much left to the imagination in the swimsuit section.

WM 2 : And there’s not much imagination in the interviewing bit either. I’ve seen them. “I come from a very beautiful country, I’m worried about cruelty to donkeys and I love my mum and dad”.....they all say that.

WM 1 : These girls are representing their countries – they’re not going to slag them off. The governments probably paid for their air tickets. If she says “my country is smelly and industrial, the locals are rude and there’s too many stray dogs fouling the streets” – well they may not let her back in again.

WM 2 :  If she means it, maybe she won’t be too bothered.

WM 1 : Actually, this year they asked the girls about issues in their countries. Miss Columbia said that education was the way to cure the global drug problem.

WM 2 : I bet she wished Steve Harley had learned to read better.

WM 1 : And they are not judged on talent.

WM 2 : Hmm, I wonder why?

WM 1 : The judges seem an odd bunch. As well as older beauty queens, they have celebrities, comedians, bass ball players, television producers.

WM 2 : Judges should know what they are talking about. The Booker prize picks erudite librarians, literary agents and publishers to consider how high to score the authors. I suspect every male judge in the Miss Universe competition just wants to score himself.

WM 1 : We are all experts on beauty, because it is so subjective – that’s their point.

WM 2 : And what happens to the winners?

WM 1 : It’s a year of jollying around talking about donkeys and her mum and dad to anyone who will listen. And I think she gets an apartment in New York.

WM 2 : No-one will listen – they’ll just look, but I suppose the New York apartment is worth having.

WM 1 : The pageants all claim to use the girls to give issues of global importance a higher profile.

WM 2 : Let’s be honest – if you want to get a message across, using beauty to do it seems to help... why I am still telling people about the weather baffles me, I’m not as young as I was.  

WM 1 : Your forecasts are perceived as serious. People here may not care too much about drug running in Columbia, but they are obsessed with what the weather will do tomorrow.

WM 2 : They’ll be switching us off just now though – not a chance of a white Christmas.