Footballers and bad teeth. Open wide....

  

Footballers have bad teeth according to dentists.  The two weathermen said arrrhhhhh.

Weatherman  1 : The British Journal of Sports Medicine says footballers have bad teeth. 53% of those examined needed fillings.

Weatherman  2 :  I would imagine quite a few have teeth missing. Those matches get a bit ill tempered sometimes and fists fly.  I thought all those rugby players in the world cup had missing teeth – then I realised it was their gum shields. Every other tooth was painted black so that they seemed fearless to the opponent. Clever. Maybe footballers watched it and thought they were real missing teeth, saw how successful New Zealand were, and got stuck in to the Cadburys?

WM1 : The dentists blame it on too much sugar, and whilst there is a scramble every time an NHS dentist opens, these professional players can afford private health care.

WM 2 : Maybe they spent all their money on a new car? Flashy Range Rovers and BMWs proliferate. That striker is happy to open the passenger door to his girlfriend, but less keen to open wide at a dentists.

WM1 : Air dries out their mouth, so there is less saliva to protect them from decay.

WM 2 The reason there’s less saliva is that they keep spitting.  I’ve seen it on the telly – they lose a tackle and whilst their opponents are scoring, they feel that depositing the contents of their mouth on the field is worth watching. As for blowing their noses....

WM1 : It’s not a pretty game, I agree.

WM2 : I bet those teeth have more to do with secret scoffing. You can put eggs and porridge in the footballer’s cupboard, but in his glove box he’s got a stash of teeth rotting chocolate.

WM1 : It’s odd because every club has a nutritionist who advises them on what to eat. Arsenal offers the old Aztec amaranth grain, salmon, mackerel and the club even has cooks serving up Sushi after the match...it aids recovery.

WM2 : It probably doesn’t aid performance though. Knowing you’re going to a party with exotic foods tends to put you in a relaxed frame of mind – and if they are too cocky they lose. Aston Villa’s chef must be amazing; they lose every week.

WM1 : The Amateur Football League suggests a beef stir fry with noodles and a large drink post match  – so even the amateurs are at it.

WM2 : Suggesting a footballer has a large drink is dangerous – we’ve all seen those photos of premier league footballers staggering out of night clubs. I’m aiding my recovery occifer, hic.

WM1 : I bet you can get a great whistle tone with all those cavities, certainly a good echo.

WM2 : Given that they have nothing worth saying, I don’t really want to hear it twice.

WM1 : You might think bad teeth would adversely affect their social lives.

WM2 : If footballers with decay hang out with other footballers with bad teeth, they start to assume it is the norm. Why do we care anyway?

WM1 : It is news because we expect footballers to know better. Role models and all that stuff...

WM2 : We don’t expect that at all. We just expect him to play well, beyond that we don’t care if he has a full set of his own teeth, or dentures.

WM1 : There’s a big post match party at Villa this weekend – they play the league leaders.