What makes for a good watch? Tick tock.

  

The issue of what invalidates a watch guarantee cropped up in conversation between the two weathermen.

 Weatherman  1 : I had a flat battery in my watch. I took it to the jewellers for a new one.

Weatherman  2 :  Straight forward for them.

WM1 : Well they made it difficult. The lady said that the watch was guaranteed water proof up to 25 metres, so she didn't want to mess with it. I said I didn’t go diving.

WM 2 : It’s handy to know what time you drowned as your boat sinks.

WM1 : Isn’t it mad? What use is a watch that is waterproof up to 25 metres if you don’t need to know the time even if you are just swimming?

WM2 : You could use the watch as fish bait. Salmon know they only have so long to spawn before they die –they can see how long it’s taking them to swim upstream.

WM1 : And then she said the guarantee would be invalid if she took the back off.

WM2 : So your choice was to have a watch with a flat battery that you could drown in, or one that worked which you couldn’t get wet.

WM1 : I told her that was silly and she said she was told to do it – it must be the law.

WM2 : I saw a caveat of NEXT where they said don’t wear your watch whilst in hot water.  

WM1 : I was late for a rendezvous with my girlfriend. She said what time do you call this? and I looked at my watch. That water was pretty hot. That was before the battery went flat. Time runs slowly when she’s in a bad mood.

WM2 : NEXT said a watch owner shouldn’t jump into a cold pool after being in a hot tub.

WM1 : Only masochists do that anyway.

WM2 :  Even if it was shock resistant, that didn’t mean it liked shocks, according to them.  No rough work, they said.

WM1 : What’s rough?

WM2 : They didn’t specify. I guess you have to argue that with them.  My watched stopped whilst gardening, you say. The assistant says oh, that’s rough work so the guarantee is invalid. And you argue that you needed to know what time it was so you weren’t late home for tea, or that was more hot water. And the assistant responds with you could have left it in the shed but you counter with the fact that the shed is full of solvents and paints and you were worried the watch might get splashed. Then she hits you with the chemical action in contact with paint destroys the seals and invalidates...

WM1 : It’s more wriggling than the salmon did. Basically, they don’t want the watch back. Once they have sold it – it’s yours, so go away. Cheap watches.

WM2 : ROLEX is different. They subject their watches to exacting shock tests. They drop it in more than 20 different ways.

WM1 : Oops it fell off the table, oops it slipped out of my hand, oops.

WM2 : They immerse every watch in water and deliberately treat them unkindly, as if they hate them.

WM1 : So it’s been through the wars before you even buy it. It said no baggage  on the dating site I was on a while ago, which is saying if you have a history of disasters, the woman doesn’t want to know about it.

WM2 : ROLEX boast about it. Once they have dunked it and thrown it about, and broken its heart– they give it a seal of approval and sell it for megabucks.

WM1 : It’s inverse isn’t it? Why do we want such an abused watch? Aren’t they all scratched to pieces before they leave the factory?

WM2 : No – pristine and perfect. They must have invented the first healing watch. Red and white blood cells in the mechanism ready to leap on the first scratch.

WM1 : How long is the guarantee?

WM2 : 5 years so it’s not immortal – and since some of them cost towards £20,000, they should be.

WM1 : No caveats?

WM2 : None. If it breaks inside 5 years they sort it, no questions.

WM1 : It’s never going to happen though is it?

WM2 : Why not?

 WM1 : Because the moment it’s off your wrist, someone will pinch it.