In the Netherlands, cheese is popular. The nation has some of the tallest people in the world. Is there a link? The two weathermen debated the possibility.
Weatherman 1 : Most Dutchmen are more than 6ft tall and they like cheese a lot. Some claim there is a link.
WM1 : Well there is still debate about it. Immigrants who move to the Netherlands grow taller than men from where they emigrated. It’s got to be at least partly the cheese, say analysts.
WM2 : It could be anything. They built loads of dykes over there. Maybe the men grew taller to peer over the top. Maybe the average man in Amsterdam was curious to know what was on the other side of the dyke. He could have stood on a beer barrel, but genetics decided getting taller was the better option.
WM1 : He would have only seen some of the one million or so cows anyway. Barrel makers may be struggling, but their dairy industry employs 60,000 people. That’s 3 times the size of the BBC workforce, and they are a big employer.
WM2 : Doesn’t all that dairy stuff make them fat? Maybe they only eat the holes in the cheese?
WM1 : No, it gives them good teeth so that they can eat lots of vegetables and this balances their diet.
WM2 : Well that has changed then. I’ve seen those old Dutch masters. You should see the teeth...oral hygiene wasn’t high up on the list back then. Waffles and pancakes did it for the incisor and molar over there. There were dozens of sugar refineries in Amsterdam in the middle of the 17th century.
WM1 : Well if they ate it, they used it up. It was so cold and trying to stay warm burns calories. Skating was popular because they had so much ice in the winter. You don’t stand around in the cold; you play ice hockey and that burns calories too.
WM2 : So does falling over on the ice. I bet shock is a great antidote to piling on the kilos.
WM1 : A report I read said milk became a popular drink at a time when clean water was in short supply.
WM2: I’ve seen Avercamp’s ice paintings – I didn’t see much milk being consumed in those pictures, just beer. There’s loads of drunkenness and debauchery, people singing, dancing and swilling...not a Gouda anywhere to be seen.
WM1 : Perhaps sober people don’t make good subjects for paintings. But they even used cows in buildings. They covered the foundations of some Amsterdam houses with cow hides to act as waterproof membranes when sown together. That’s clever... but come to think of it, the doors are low in old Amsterdam buildings.
WM2 : So?
WM1 : So they must have been a nation of stoopers or already short. Maybe your dyke theory is wrong because their houses didn’t offer them an incentive to get taller. Being 6’ you’d just bang your head and fall over without the need for ice.
WM2 : What are the advantages of being a tall man? You get a stiff neck when you try to kiss your girlfriend – and it’s further to lift your fork of food to your mouth.
WM1 : The women are growing too; men in the Netherlands are kissing tall women. Height equates to health.
WM2 : So the secret to height and health is to eat the holes in cheese, drink milk, don’t stand on beer barrels, avoid low doorways, play ice hockey and chase after women who are taller than yourself.
WM1 : No-one mentioned cycling. I bet pedalling after that 6’ stunner will be great for growing your hamstrings. Netherlands women are some of the most beautiful in the world, and height just adds to their allure.
WM2 : And they will grow taller trying to escape on their bike. It sounds more fun that ice hockey.
WM1 : This is all very persuasive. Has the long range winter forecast for Amsterdam come in yet? Are there any jobs going there?
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