Diesel supplies running low

There is a danger Britain's diesel pumps could "run dry" because of a growing dependence on foreign fuel, according to the RAC Foundation. The two weathermen were discussing it.

Weather Man 1: I read that we are running low on diesel. There is a big demand for it and our refineries cannot keep up. We are importing more than we refine so we are at the mercies of international markets.

Weather Man 2: Oh dear. I've got a diesel.
WM1: I suspect you were attracted by the lower pence-per-mile running costs.

WM2: It's true. And it was a large vehicle to fit all the family in for holidays.

WM1: It was the government's fault back in 2001. They were worried about the amount of CO2 being belched into the air, and petrol cars were the worst offenders. The chancellor raised duty on CO2 cars and overnight we went on a diesel buying spree.

WM2: So they controlled the market with taxes without a crystal ball to see where it might end.

WM1: Yes, it was short sighted. It shouldn't be a surprise that if you deliberately make something attractive, we will buy into it.

WM2: Indeed. All decisions have consequences. When clothing manufacturers reduced the size of pockets in our jackets they unwittingly damaged the market for nick nacks. No-one wanted a large key ring or a big wallet anymore because they had nowhere to put anything.

WM1: The last jacket I purchased, the pockets were all sown up - dunno what that is telling us. Don't buy anything I suppose.

WM2: Maybe the suit makers can be forgiven - but it's pretty obvious if you have a diesel car, you need diesel fuel.

WM1: But Governments do this sort of thing. They adopt policies without seeing the consequences of their actions. It happened in America where they subsidised commodity crops such as corn and soybeans. Processed foods rely on these, sales rose, and then you have an epidemic of obesity because no one is eating fruit and veg.

WM2: It backfired in Norway too with alcohol. High prices didn't reduce demand - people just smuggled it in or distilled and brewed their own.

WM1: Yes I heard of one chap who had split his petrol tank into two, a small chamber for petrol and a big one for vodka. 

WM2: Is it easy to refine diesel?

WM1: Dunno…must be possible I suppose.

WM2: I was just thinking, if you can distill your own hooch, maybe you can refine your own diesel.

WM1: Yes but you need oil to make it. When people make elderflower wine or sloe gin, they pick the berries and sloes off the trees. You can't dig an oil well in your back garden.

WM2: I wouldn't use my garden, I'd find a bit of common land.

WM1: But how do you know there's any oil there? How far down do you dig until you give up? It's not like buried treasure and there aren't portable oil detectors you can buy. I'd be nervous at the beach now, seeing that chap with his golf stick detector outstretched sweeping across the sand…."oh heck., any moment he'll find oil and sink a shaft"

WM2: Yeh okay, it's not realistic I concede.

WM1: And diesels produce this NO2 stuff which is just as nasty as CO2. Goodness knows why the Government didn't see that. Drug testing is rigorous, so why not fuel testing?

WM2: Yes, they make rabbits and mice deliberately unwell, and don't license the drug until the little fellow is well enough to sit up in bed and take visitors. And yet they poison us with pollutants.

WM1: Maybe bio-diesel is the answer.

WM2: Can we make enough of it? There would be a big demand.

WM1: We'd need to raid the chip shops for their old oil. We'd just encourage a chip shortage then. The great British chip famine.

WM2: Bio diesel can be made from animal fats too. watch out the family pet. You are wondering what happened to your cat last week and your neighbour is reversing smugly out of his garage in his 4x4 with a tank full of tiddles fuel.

WM1: So what's the answer?

WM2: Get a bike I suppose. Although how I will fit a wife, 2 kids and all the stuff for the family fortnight on a tandem is a mystery.

WM1: Go to Hanoi…you should see them on mopeds. I've seen whole villages get on one bike.

WM2: Governments are damned aren't they? Damned if they do, damned if they don't.

WM1: Maybe the best governments are those that do nothing.

WM2: No decisions?

WM1: No. Just sit in numbers 10 and 11, eating sandwiches and watching telly.

WM2: It would make for a boring memoir though. The diaries of David Cameron : Monday it was cucumber and Bugbears.

WM1: Tuesday it was pickled cabbage, ham and Neighbours.

WM2: I don't really want a change of career….being in Government sounds like a dreadful waste of time.