iTunes change their agreement with the customer

iTunes terms and conditions have changed again. The 2 weathermen were chatting about it.

Weatherman 1: I had to sign a new agreement with iTunes if I wanted to continue to use it, a message said - turned up on my computer.

Weatherman 2 : Did you read it? I didn’t.

WM1 : For once, I skimmed through it , it’s a hefty piece of script.

WM2 : My patience threshold won’t allow me to read beyond sentence one.

WM1 : There’s some really obvious terms I have to agree to. One was that iTunes are not responsible if I lose a gift certificate or discount code.

WM2 : That’s reasonable.

WM1 : Yes I know, but why is it in there? Has someone got back to them saying “my computer crashed” can I have another gift token please?

WM2 : Maybe they have.

WM1 : Well that customer was just irritating, or trying it on. I have seen supermarkets be nice when someone drops a bottle in an aisle...but once you get it home, well come on – it’s over to you. I can’t drop an egg in my kitchen and prosecute Sainsburys for selling me breakable eggs.

WM2 : Unbreakable eggs. I doubt if there’s a market for them. Not even the chick inside would approve of that. How would it hatch? Evolution designed them to break.

WM1 : And then there’s an agreement about my body. If I get muscle fatigue or eye strain, I have to take a break.

WM2 : What about if your ears ache because the music is rap?

WM1 : I haven’t seen that one.  They go on about nausea, giddiness, blackouts.....well since when has a computer contract been able to tell me to take care of my body?

WM2 : It’s getting silly, I agree. Next they will be telling us that newspapers are flammable and burns are bad for you. Don’t set fire to them in your bedroom.

WM1 : Or scones when eaten in big lumps may cause choking, or biting into steel breaks your teeth...

WM2 : Or breathing may involve occasionally smelling something unpleasant.

WM1 : You can have an iTunes family membership and if you do, you are responsible for the children’s purchases. If you give your children access to it, train them how to use it, and then they buy something without asking – it’s your hit.

WM2 : I’ve had to ban my two kids from it. I caught them downloading offensive material.

WM1 : Porn?

WM2 : No some historical speeches by Mussolini. Very anti-French and west and pro-Japan. I didn’t want my kids being afraid of going to Italy for a holiday. And the speeches were so long....longer than the iTunes agreement it seems. I bet people slept through them.

WM1 : Wouldn’t look great in the front line....”what are we fighting this war  for?”  asks one soldier, and the other replies “no idea, I nodded off.” 

WM2 : That’s why I never read these things.

WM1 : There’s one bit about associate devices. I can only run iTunes on ten gizmos.

WM2 : That’s silly. What’s it to them if you want to buy an Ed Sheeran track on device number eleven?

WM1 : Who would want to? Ed Sheeran eleven times? Please no. They are control freaks. No one takes any notice.

WM2 : Can you imagine a plate manufacturer trying to insist you only use it in 3 rooms, or that spaghetti  isn’t allowed on it?

WM1 : They’d have a point – spaghetti bowls are better than plates.

WM2 : Must get some in Milan.

WM1 : It gets worse. There’s a bit called iTunes match where they say they will log all you listen to – when you did, and when you stopped.

WM2 : Why do they need to do that?

WM1 : It’s probably Ed Sheeran’s record company. They monitor who is sick of hearing Lego House. They’re going to phone you up and tell you the last chorus is different – if only you’d get that far. Did you ever get those canvassers on the door at the election?

WM2 : I know the sort – you told us you voted Liberal Democrat last time and we hope you will this time too.

WM1 : I don’t want iTunes tracking the way I vote.

WM2 : From all you have said, I fear that isn’t too far away. Anyway, did you click “agree” at the end?

WM1 : Yes, I skipped loads, I was glazing over.  Goodness knows what I have consented to....and would boredom count as a defence in a court of law if I infringed anything?

WM1 : Let’s hope it’s never tested.