Robert Downey Jr. says "pardon me." California does.

Robert Downey Jr. has been pardoned.  The two weathermen excused one another.

Weatherman  1 : That actor Robert Downey Jr. has been pardoned in California.

Weatherman  2 :  Pardoned for what?

Sex pictures and digital rights

A German court has ruled that a man, who had photos of his naked girlfriend, should destroy them now the relationship has ended. The two weathermen looked at their delete buttons.

Weatherman  1 : Did you hear a German photographer has been ordered to destroy nude photos of his girlfriend?

Weatherman  2 :  Yes, the courts said he had no rights over them, once the relationship ended.

On mistaken identity at a beauty contest

Miss Columbia was mistakenly handed the Miss Universe title. The two weathermen polished their crowns.

Weatherman  1 : Did you see that poor Miss Columbia was crowned Miss Universe – for about 30 seconds.

Weatherman  2 :  30 seconds?

Heathrow's third runway. Do we need it? The 2 weathermen look at infrastructure.

There will be yet another review to assess the merits of a third runway at Heathrow airport. The two weathermen compared it to HS2.

Weatherman  2 : Do we need a 3^rd runway at Heathrow?

Weatherman  1 :  The government isn’t sure. It is taking a bit of extra time to decide. It originally said “no” but now that has shifted to “let’s look at it again.” Businesses seem to be in favour.

Are cheap training shoes stealing NIKE's thunder?

A basketball player has welcomed a drop in training shoe prices. The whole business of designer brands and cheap copies gave the Two Weathermen something to discuss; they tied their laces.

Weatherman  1 : Stephon Marbury has pushed through a new brand of shoes which cost less than £10. He hopes it will reduce theft when shoes are expensive.

Weatherman  2 :  Yes things can turn ugly as thieves try to steal expensive sneakers.

How to issue warnings to Russian pilots

The Russians are upset because Turkey shot down one of their aeroplanes.  The two weathermen looked at warnings.

Weatherman  1 : That Russian pilot says no warning was given before he was hit by a Turkish missile.

Weatherman  2 :  And Turkey says it was.

Trident missiles can be hacked. Should we be worried?

Trident submarines can be rendered obsolete by hackers.  The two weathermen looked at the red button.

Weatherman  1 : Lord Browne, a once Defence Secretary, says hackers can mess with our nuclear weapons and make them malfunction. When the Prime MInister says “destroy so and so country now,” the submarines may not be able to.

Weatherman  2 :  Isn’t that a good thing?

Song writers are being robbed

Songwriters are suffering because of streaming. The two weathermen sang a chorus.

Weatherman  2 : The Music Publishers Association says song writers don’t get the rewards they deserve because the new music distribution networks hang on to royalties.

Weatherman  1 :  Music does seem cheap these days.

When a half marathon grows a bit..

Half marathon competitors in Thailand got 4 miles added to their run. The two weathermen looked at their blisters.

Weatherman  1 : There was a half marathon in Bangkok which ended up as 17 miles instead of 13. Runners are upset.

Weatherman  2 :  Yes, there was a sign telling runners to take a wrong turn – although it didn’t say “wrong turn this way” on it.

Do police officers need a degree?

  

The College of Policing claims police officers should have degrees.  The two weathermen polished their boots.

Weatherman  1 : The College of Policing says police officers aren’t well educated. They need degrees because the job is demanding.

Weatherman  2 :  A degree in what?

What makes for a good watch? Tick tock.

  

The issue of what invalidates a watch guarantee cropped up in conversation between the two weathermen.

 Weatherman  1 : I had a flat battery in my watch. I took it to the jewellers for a new one.

Weatherman  2 :  Straight forward for them.

Footballers and bad teeth. Open wide....

  

Footballers have bad teeth according to dentists.  The two weathermen said arrrhhhhh.

Weatherman  1 : The British Journal of Sports Medicine says footballers have bad teeth. 53% of those examined needed fillings.

Weatherman  2 :  I would imagine quite a few have teeth missing. Those matches get a bit ill tempered sometimes and fists fly.  I thought all those rugby players in the world cup had missing teeth – then I realised it was their gum shields. Every other tooth was painted black so that they seemed fearless to the opponent. Clever. Maybe footballers watched it and thought they were real missing teeth, saw how successful New Zealand were, and got stuck in to the Cadburys?

Should we pass a test before getting the vote?

In the wake of the House of Lords throwing out the Government’s plans to scrap tax credits, the two weathermen pondered voting rights.

Weatherman 1: I see The Lords put the brakes on the Government’s wish to scrap tax credits. It is unelected, but seems wiser than the other House.

Weatherman 2: Some are saying the whole idea was a disgrace. And we voted these people in to office.

Why get involved in Syria when we have all the conflict we need at home?

Several Labour members of the House of Lords have resigned, citing differences with the Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn. Our 2 men in the met office looked at the dissent over a cup of tea.

Weatherman  1 : Another Labour peer has gone. Lord Grabiner said he had nothing in common with the new direction of the Labour party.

Weatherman  2 : He hasn’t voted on anything since 2013 so he won’t be missed.

When to take a child out of school.

The government’s wish to punish parents, for taking children out of school in term time, is being challenged. The two weathermen explored the issue.

Weatherman 2: That chat about the lottery got me thinking and we are all jetting off just after half term when it’s cheaper to holiday.

 Weatherman 1: You will get prosecuted – the fine is £60 per child and since you have two that’s £120 you’ll lose.

On not winning a prize...

The two weathermen were talking about prize winning today, or rather - not prize winning.

Weatherman 1: I was reading that last year someone in Portugal won £150 million on the euro lottery.

Weatherman 2: It’s a huge sum.

Apprenticeships which are not worth doing

Ofsted has criticised apprenticeships, saying that their poor quality has devalued the brand. The two weathermen pondered the problem.

Weatherman  1 : Did you hear that we have too many apprentices? Sir Michael Wilshaw says some learners don't know they are on apprenticeship schemes.

Weatherman  2 : How is that possible? How can you not know what you are doing?

Playboy cleans up

Playboy Magazine has decided to stop publishing pictures of naked women. The two weatherman discussed what happens when events over take you in a fast moving world.

Weatherman 2: Playboy are having a cleanup and withdrawing pictures of women with no clothes on.

Weatherman 1: That’s astonishing. I’ve heard of a make-over but this is like a whole body transplant.

On being summoned to a foreign office for a telling off

The British defence attaché in Moscow has been summoned by Russia. The two weathermen discussed “being told off.”

Weatherman 1 : We’ve been arming our fighter planes with an intent to shoot down Russian aircraft, according to Russia. They summoned the defence attaché and told him they weren’t happy.

Weatherman 2 : What did the attaché say?

Buying a house for £1, and man's relationship with a bargain

Liverpool council are selling off old terraced houses for £1. The two weathermen discussed the seductive nature of a bargain.

Weatherman 1 : I read that in Liverpool you can buy a house for £1 – it’s amazing value. My local shop sold me 3 lemons for £1 last week.

Weatherman 2 : Your lemons were in better condition than those houses. No electric or gas, just empty damp shells. In Stoke the council loaned the owners the £30,000 renovation money, but Liverpool haven’t – proof of ability to pay for renovation is part of the deal.

Digital amnesia - is it here to stay? I can't remember the answer.

We are losing our memories because we rely on computers too much.  The two weathermen probed the issue. Well, we say probed...

Weatherman 1 : Many people these days use computers to look up information instead of using their memories.

Weatherman 2 : So are we forgetting things?

There are many tall men in the Netherlands. Is cheese the reason?

In the Netherlands, cheese is popular. The nation has some of the tallest people in the world. Is there a link? The two weathermen debated the possibility.

Weatherman 1 : Most Dutchmen are more than 6ft tall and they like cheese a lot. Some claim there is a link.

Weatherman 2 : How can cheese make you taller?

5p levy on plastic bags starts in England

Shops in England are now charging 5p for a plastic bag. The two weathermen at the Met Office discussed it.

Weatherman 1 : I see shops are asking 5p for a bag.

Weatherman 2 : Yes, it caught me out yesterday, I strolled in to buy a few items and was charged £2.04. So instead of having a penny in my pocket I had 96p in loose change, it spoils the contours of your clothes.

Russia joins the war in Syria

No one seems pleased about Russia’s air strikes in Syria. The two weathermen debated the unexpected turn of events.

Weatherman 1 : Russia has started flying missions in Syria but they are not shooting at ISIL.

Weatherman 2 : Well not yet, at least.

Nuisance phone calls

A company has been handed a £200,000 fine for nuisance calls after making over six million automated calls in a campaign to sell solar panels. The 2 weathermen at the Met Office discussed it during a tea break.

Weatherman 1 : Did you hear about that company who was done for nuisance phone calls about solar panels?

Weatherman 2 : Hear about it? I was a victim.

The classroom is a jungle

School crime is hitting the news again with 30,000 allegations arriving on the policeman’s desk in 2014. The 2 weathermen's tea break was a chance to explore it.

Weatherman 1: I see crime is up in schools. Theft is one of the biggest.

Weatherman 2 : There must be a lot of temptation lying around, open bags and carelessness.

Old Wine in Crimea

There is uproar in Crimea because Vladimir Putin and Silvio Berlusconi drank wine uncorked after 240 years. Our 2 weathermen were chatting about it.

Weather Man 1: Did you read that Putin and Berlusconi were drinking old wine in Crimea?

Weather Man 2: How old was it?

iTunes change their agreement with the customer

iTunes terms and conditions have changed again. The 2 weathermen were chatting about it.

Weatherman 1: I had to sign a new agreement with iTunes if I wanted to continue to use it, a message said - turned up on my computer.

Weatherman 2 : Did you read it? I didn’t.

When is a sport not a sport?

Sport England has defended its decision not to class the card game Bridge as a sport, ahead of a judicial review into the ruling.  The 2 chaps from the Met. Office were chatting about it.

Weatherman 2: So Bridge isn’t a sport, it’s a game. It’s official, according to Sport England.

Weatherman 1: One judge reckoned it was more active than rifle shooting.

Cheating exhaust emission tests

Volkswagen is in trouble. It deceived US exhaust tests to make engine emissions appear less harmful than they really are. Our two weathermen were discussing it.

Weatherman 2: I’m worried about my VW.

Weatherman 1: Why? Is it unreliable?

Anthony Gormley's fallen statue

An Anthony Gormley statue installed at Kimmeridge Bay earlier this summer has been blown over by the wind. Our two weathermen were discussing it.

Weatherman 1: Did you read that Gormley’s statue toppled over in Dorset?

Weatherman 2: It couldn’t have been very well attached. We could have told the people at the Landmark Trust how bad the storms were down there.

Artistic computers

Mankind is watching with interest as computers develop towards being a creative entity capable of artistic expression. Our two weathermen at the met office were discussing it last week.

Weather man 1: Did you read about that software called Aaron?

Weather Man 2: No. What is Aaron?

WM1: It's a a computer program that has been painting big dramatic, colourful pieces. It was written by Harold Cohen…the algorithm was so clever it said "thanks Harry, pass me a pencil" -- and off it went.

Diesel supplies running low

There is a danger Britain's diesel pumps could "run dry" because of a growing dependence on foreign fuel, according to the RAC Foundation. The two weathermen were discussing it.

Weather Man 1: I read that we are running low on diesel. There is a big demand for it and our refineries cannot keep up. We are importing more than we refine so we are at the mercies of international markets.

Weather Man 2: Oh dear. I've got a diesel.

Universities teaching badly

Too many universities in England have allowed teaching to become "a poor cousin" to research, Universities Minister Jo Johnson has warned. Our two weather were discussing higher education.

Weather Man 1: I see Universities are in trouble again because there's too much emphasis on research and not teaching apparently.

Weather Man 2: And those students pay £9000…they don't get the £9000 worth of teaching.

Alien Message

A network of UK researchers has decided to compose a message to aliens - but they are divided over whether to send it into space and actually what should be in the message.  Those two chaps who work in the met office were chatting again this week and the topic cropped up.

Weather Man 1: Did you hear those boffins from Breakthrough are thinking of writing a message which introduces mankind to civilisations beyond our planet?

Weather Man 2: Yes. I wonder what is the essence of human kind greeting? What do you say to an alien from Mars?

Naming storms

Members of the public are to be given the opportunity to name storms deemed to have the potential to cause 'medium' or 'high' wind impacts in the UK and Ireland. People will be able to suggest possible names to the Met Office in the hope that it will help raise awareness of severe weather and ensure people protect themselves and their property before it strikes. The Met Office is teaming up with Met Eireann in Ireland to run the pilot project over the autumn and winter.

Two Weathermen were chatting about it in the office.

Weather man 1: there's a biggy approaching over the Atlantic. 90 mph winds and torrential rain. We need to name it.